Phone Hall of Shame

PHONE HALL OF SHAME

Best Buy Exclusive

Zack Morris called; he wants his phone back

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Is your mobile embarrassingly old? Click here to end your shame. But first, take a spin through these retro Best Buy ads … it’ll make you feel better. By the way, we were hoping to find some rad portables from the 80’s, but sadly, it looks like we didn’t start selling “transportable cellular phones” until 1990. (The above ad is from October 14, 1990.) Oh, and our legal department would like to remind you that Best Buy will NOT price match anything found in these old ads … which is a bummer, because $5.96 is a great deal on a Mariah Carey cassette.

Pulsar Portable cellular phone (January 20, 1991)

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This brick phone is all business (a model pretending to be a stock broker wouldn’t lie). And it’s just $199.96? That IS an astonishingly low price for such convenience.

Novatel Transportable cellular phone (March 10, 1991)

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A function key AND a volume button? Sign me up!

Prestige Powerful portable cellular phone (June 23, 1991)

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Nothing says POWER like “enlarged send and end buttons.” And we’re not sure what “secret memories” are, but we’re intrigued.

Panasonic Transportable cellular phone (August 4, 1991)

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Okay, I think we’ve figured out the difference between “portable” and “transportable.” The former means “bulky.” The latter means “ridiculously bulky.” Sweet radar detector, though.

Novatel Portable cellular phone (November 3, 1991)

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Keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on my classy, Zuba-inspired blouse!

GE Transportable Cellular Phone (November 22, 1992)

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A FULL 3 watts of power? And it’s less than 4 pounds? GE really did bring good things to life! Sweet answering machine and computer package, though.

Pioneer Flip Phone (November 14, 1993)

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Pocket-sized? How big is the freakin’ pocket?!!

Motorola Cellular Phone w/ Accessory Pack (July 24, 1994)

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With a battery that size, you'd assume the thing stored the energy of 1,000 suns. You'd be wrong, and have two dead batteries (with carrying case!) in about 45 minutes.

Motorola Meteors (October 16, 1994)

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If your phone comes in a bag, that’s a bad sign. Go with the “vibra-call” instead. The battery life rocks! For 80 minutes.

Oki Transportable Cellular Phone (October 16, 1994)

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It’s a phone! It’s a fanny pack! It’s a phony pack! Plus, it works in “fringe areas.” And by “fringe areas,” we mean “in front of senior portrait backdrops.”

Ericsson Alphanumeric Phone (October 18, 1998)

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One cent? Really Best Buy? Why not just make it free? Maybe that penny offset the cost of the free VCR. And yes, “Analog Technology” deserved its own logo. It was just that good.

Samsung Digital Sprint PCS Phone (May 12, 2002)

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Would you pick up for Britney? That depends. Is it 2002 Britney or 2007 Britney? But more importantly, Snow Dogs is on sale.

Motorola Digital PCS Phone (May 12, 2002)

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The family that phones together, stays togeth—wait. So is Becca’s Motorola actually bigger than Todd’s? This ad is confusing.

Genuine leather-pack (May 5, 1991)

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Okay, this ad has nothing to do with phones. We just love the ironic use of “hip.” In fact, we’re only including it because we want it to end up here.