Join us as we take a stroll through the cemetery of console gaming. Be strong. And, be on the lookout for Ghosts ‘N Goblins, Dracula and the Demon God Neff from Altered Beast. Welcome to your doom! (Note: The following is NOT a comprehensive list of every old gaming system that’s ever existed, just a few of our favorites.)

Pong gets all the glory, but the Magnavox Odyssey was actually the first home video game console. The brainchild of Ralph Baer, who considered by many to be the father of video games, the Odyssey was unleashed on the general public in 1972. Three years later, the original Odyssey was laid to rest. It was replaced by its simplified son, the Odyssey 100.

Aside from the awesomeness that was Astrosmash, Intellivision may be best remembered as the console that picked a fight with Atari. So who did Mattel send in to do the fighting? Why George Plimpton of course! In retrospect, George Foreman would have been the more obvious choice. His grill could have made BurgerTime 75% leaner.

Oh, Atari, your life’s been quite the Adventure. So, let us put down our joysticks and bow reverently to the 2600, the godfather of the game console. (Bowing to the 5200 and 7800 is optional.) And while we’re at it, let’s show Activision some love too for giving us Pitfall! , River Raid and Freeway. By the way, we sent in the photograph, but we’re still waiting for our Save the Chicken Foundation patch.

If you had an Atari during Reagan’s first term, you felt like a king… until you saw the neighbor kid play Donkey Kong on his ColecoVision. After that, you just felt jealous. That jealousy was short-lived, however, as the video game crash and something named Adam joined forces to kill ColecoVision before it could really start growing. Why do the good die so young?

Ten years before Game Boy became a real live boy, there was Microvision, the first cartridge-based, handheld game console. Titles included Star Trek: Phaser Strike, Blockbuster and Connect Four (the system was made by Milton Bradley). Microvision even had a cameo in Friday the 13th Part II. It was pretty much the best actor in the film.

In 1985, the NES came to America, and on behalf of America, we would like to say “Dōmo arigatō, Mr. Roboto”. Thanks in large part to an Italian plumber named Mario, Nintendo game systems rarely disappoint (with one notable, virtual exception). So, please, raise your orange Zapper, throw in some Duck Hunt and give Nintendo a 21-gun salute. The NES is survived by the Wii.

“Genesis does what Nintendon’t”. It was clever advertising, and in many ways, it worked. With a little help from Sonic the Hedgehog, Sega had the “cooler” console by the early 90’s. But in many OTHER ways, it didn’t work. Genesis met its maker in mid 90’s. Sleep well, James “Buster” Douglas Knockout Boxing, we hardly knew ye.

Cartridges were king during the 80’s, but that didn’t stop some toy companies from going a different direction…VHS. Consoles that use video tapes for games may seem pretty ridiculous now, but back then, well, they seemed pretty ridiculous. World of Wonder’s Action Max and View-Master’s Interactive Vision both flopped, and Hasbro’s Control-Vision was pronounced dead before it even hit the market.

1993 was a banner year for game console births… is what we would be saying if PlayStation was born in 1993. It wasn’t. Instead the year that gave us Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, also produced Jaguar and the 3DO Interactive Multiplayer. All three were canceled before Y2K. However, Dr. Quinn lived the longest, which might tell you everything you need to know about Jaguar and 3DO.

Today, Steve Jobs can do no wrong. However, in 1995, he wasn’t with the company. Enter the Pippin. I’m sorry, the Pipp!n. With branding like that, how could it fail? With titles like Mr. Potato Head Saves Veggie Valley, that’s how. According to GamePro, only 42,000 Pippins were sold, making it one of the worst selling consoles of all-time. They should have called it iPip. Maybe it would have sold better.

The Dreamcast was Sega’s final attempt at consoles, and like Crystal Pepsi, it was born ahead of its time. Okay, bad example, because Dreamcast was actually a trailblazer. It had a built-in modem, making it the original online gaming console. Want to honor the Dreamcast? Observe a moment of silence before firing up Xbox Live.

So what did we miss? And what memories did we stir up? Please sign our guest book (i.e., the comments section) and pour your heart out. But don’t get too depressed. Many of these systems live on through Wii’s Virtual Console, classic game compilations, online auctions and of course, through emulators (some legal, some not). See you in video game heaven, Excitebike.