You love technology. But odds are, every time Earth Day rolls around, you feel a little guilty about that love of technology. After all, if you were extreme with your eco-friendliness, you wouldn’t own any of this stuff. And odds are, you have an uber-green friend who’s constantly reminding you of this fact. You know the type… rides his bicycle to his co-op job at the fair trade coffee shop, carries a personal composter everywhere he goes, eats nothing but wheat grass and gravel… not that there’s anything wrong with that lifestyle, but you know what? You shouldn’t have to apologize for your lifestyle either. So the next time your green friend gives you techno-shame, shoot back with one of these green tech comebacks. Sure, you’ll never win the argument, but at least you’ll go down swinging.

1. I can find a Vegan restaurant faster than you.
   Just whip out your iPhone and pull up your VeganXpress app. Bam! How do you like me now, Baba ganoush?!
2. I can drive to the movies without driving to the movies.
   Streaming movies online instead of hopping in the car saves gas and cuts emissions. Plus, the popcorn is way cheaper.
3. My power strip is smarter than your power strip.
   Green Power Strips like this one can save you energy (and thus, cash) by reducing standby power. Oh snap!
4. I pay my bills online.
   Think of all the trees (and postage) you’ll save by paying your cable bill (late) from your computer.
5. My Energy Star qualified washer saves enough water to fill three, backyard swimming pools.
   Or, enough water to fill nearly 2,000 bathtubs! 2,000 bathtubs? How dirty are you exactly?
6. My printer is loaded with recycled paper.
   That saves trees, and everyone loves trees. Except for chainsaws… and maybe angry beavers.
7. I wash my clothes in cold.
   According to the folks at Energy Star, about 90% of the energy your washing machine uses is from hot water heating, so going cold (when you can) is the right thing to do.
8. I’m a walking solar panel.
   Check out how to make your own solar backpack! Just think of all the energy Snooki could generate if she wore one.
9. Because I give a hoot, I telecommute.
   Taking the bus to work may be green, but working from home is even greener. Plus, you can work naked without getting a call from HR.
10. My batteries are rechargeable.
    Sure, they cost more initially, but rechargeables can save you money in the long run. The landfill will thank you later.
11. I can read without cutting down trees.
    Welcome to the wonderful world of eReaders. They’re the coolest thing to happen to words since monogrammed toilet paper.
12. My thermostat is wicked-smart.
    Programmable thermostats adjust the temperature accordingly while you’re out. That saves energy. For more energy-saving tips, check out this video.
13. Birds love me.
    Turn your old CD cases into a birdhouse. Seriously.
14. I never over-dry.
    Drying your clothes just right sucks less power from the grid. Or, wear them wet to enjoy that “I just rode the log flume” feeling.
15. My lint trap is immaculate.
    Believe it or not, cleaning your lint trap makes your dryer more efficient. And all the surplus lint can be turned into paper. Which you can then recycle. Circle of life, people, circle of life.
16. My burners are immaculate too.
    A clean burner is an efficient burner. Plus, meals are more fulfilling when cooked over a spotless stove. Even Mac & Cheese. Or Kraft Dinner if you’re Canadian.
17. I’m an Energy Star.
    Energy Star. It’s not just for appliances anymore. It’s also for DVD Players, cordless phones, all-in-one printers, the list goes on and on… until it stops.
18. My light bulbs are both compact and fluorescent.
    Everyone who’s anyone is switching from incandescent to compact fluorescent. But Apple is taking the switch to the next level.
19. My cell phone helped Japan.
    The Red Cross has raised millions of dollars in aid for Japanese earthquake and tsunami victims, thanks to all the people who donated ten dollars by texting “REDCROSS” to 90999.
20. My old cell phone helped people too.
    Donating your old phone to charity can provide even more disaster relief. Click here to learn more.
21. My computer is green certified.
    Check out EPEAT and see for yourself. EPEAT stands for “Electronic Product Environmental Assessment Tool,” so I guess it’s sort of like their SAT.
22. I get my news online.
    The only newspaper worth killing trees for is “The Onion.” And even that’s online now.
23. I use a digital camera instead of film.
    Film developing chemicals can contain some pretty nasty stuff. Got stop bath? Here’s how to dispose of it responsibly.
24. I recycle.
    Best Buy recycles almost everything electronic, so bring that e-waste to us. We’re totally e-wasted. Say no to drugs.
25. I freecycle.
    Freecycling happens when you give your old (but still working) electronics away rather than tossing them in a landfill. Not that you would ever toss them in a landfill (see #24).
26. I upcycle.
    Upcycling happens when, well, a picture is worth a thousand words, so here are several thousand words.
27. I microwave my leftovers.
    Firing up the oven to warm-up last night’s meatloaf is wasted energy. Sort of like trying to get a girl to go out with you after she calls you a friend.
28. I think long and hard before I open the fridge.
    Like a pro golfer visualizing a 30-foot putt, picture the things you’re going to pull out of the refrigerator before you break the seal. Normally, we visualize pickles. Don’t ask.
29. My greeting cards are digital.
    What? You still use analog? Happy Birthday Mom! I destroyed a forest in your honor! Don’t I make you proud?
30. I can attend a meeting in Singapore without getting on a plane.
    One word. Skype.
31. When I do travel, I do so without paper.
    Who needs a boarding pass, a map and a travel guide when you have an eBoarding pass, a GPS and Tripadvisor?
32. I always consider the environment before printing this email.
    In fact, sometimes I consider the environment so much, I don’t even read this email.
33. My font has tiny holes in it.
    How does that save the earth? Click here to find out.
34. My computer helps me buy local.
    Technology can help you find organic food close to you. And future technology? Well, take a look at this.
35. My smart phone does the work of many.
    It’s a calculator, an alarm clock and a flashlight! That means you don’t need to buy a calculator, an alarm clock and a flashlight! If it could only julienne fries. Actually, it can… just not very well.
36. I repair before I replace.
    Electronics can be fixed. Geek Squad Black Tie Protection makes it easy. Wow. Sorry for the commercial. Not sure whether to fix or replace? Click here for the answer.
37. My dishwasher has a turbidity sensor.
    It’s a good thing. Trust us. For more good things (and the answer to what a turbidity sensor is), take a look at this video.
38. I avoid screensavers like the plague.
    Well, that might be a little dramatic, but screensavers suck… power. It’s best to turn your monitor off instead.
39. I pull the plug on wall warts.
    Phone chargers, AC adapters, power supplies… If you don’t unplug ‘em when you’re done with ‘em, you’re wasting energy. But you knew that.
40. I am T-Pain.
    Just think of all the jet fuel your app is saving by not flying him in every time you want someone to PASS THAT GUAC-A-MOLE! Note to self: Auto-tune jokes don’t translate into print. Lesson learned.